Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

Kevin and As the World Turns

"Awww, that bitch."

"Stupid bitch!"

"That crazy bitch!"

"Who's her mom? That Barbara bitch?"

"Yeah! Put that bitch in jail!"

This was Kevin's commentary regarding Barbara Ryan as I watched a TiVoed episode of As the World Turns. And he says he doesn't care.

Here are some snippets of recent correspondence between D and me, minus the boring jibber jabber:

Me: Hey. I haven't heard from you all week. Hope everything is ok.

D: I'm ok. I've been super busy this week and no real free time. Hopefully things will slow down for a while now. We're running around getting ready to come back. So don't worry if I don't email as often. It's for a good reason.

Me: Getting ready to come back?! YEE-HAW!! When? WHEN?!!!

D: I thought I told you, we should be back around March 20th.

Me: Oh. March 20. That's really far away. I was all excited to see you sooner.

D: Sorry it can't be sooner, but you shouldn't expect to see me until sometime in April. I don't know if you've been watching Desperate Housewives or not, I haven't seen an episode, but I have fallen in love with Jesse Metcalfe ( I think that's his last name). I've seen him in a ton of magazines and I drool every time. I have to find him and marry him. In the mean time, I've turned into a girl. Today was really slow so I read through three old issues of Cosmo. Well they have one feature that I love: Guy without a shirt. May of 04 was so hot I actually tore the picture out so I could keep it. It's in my pocket right now. I'm so embarrassed to admit it, but he's so hot it makes it okay.

Me: I TiVo Desperate Housewives. It's great. I don't know who Jesse Metcalfe is, though. Is he the electrician guy? Or the garden boy? If you want to marry him, I guess you'll have to go to New Zealand. Oh, and as much as I want to share your shameful Cosmo secret with the entire blogosphere, I'll keep it between us.

D: Eww, like I go for older men, he's the garden boy. Please do feel free to mention me in your blog if you feel it is blog worthy. But if you do, first you have to mention that this was May 04's guy without a shirt and that all Cosmo readers are grotsky little beyotches (I stole that line from Mean Girls). This guy was clearly a perfect 10 and he only got rated as an 8. Those ho bags don't deserve to date if their standards are that high.

The Big News:

I know the question that has been in all of your minds and hearts all weekend. Did she get it? Did Sara finally get The OC Season One? YES!!! and no. My parents found it, bought it, then found it cheaper online. They returned the original and I can look forward to receiving The OC Season One sometime this week. Hopefully today!

The Bad News:

I finally found the perfect jeans. They fit. Perfectly. Men may not understand the woes women go through to find a pair of jeans that fit. It's not fun. It's worse that shopping for bathing suits. I tried everything. I was willing to pay outrageous prices for a pair of jeans that just fit. In an act of desperation, I did the unthinkable. I went to Kohls. I put these on. And they're only $30!! When people compliment the perfect fit of my jeans and ask where I found them, I lower my eyes and whisper, "They're Lees." I have always been a bit label crazy, and to wear Lee jeans is, well, embarrassing. But I'm over it. I love my Lees. I have been trying for months to find another pair, but I can never find my size. I finally decide to dole out the shipping and handling charges and order online. Ok. Here is my horrible news. They stopped making size 1/2. Just stopped making them with complete disregard to all the size 1/2s in the world who need jeans. 3/4 is too big. It just is. I don't know what I'm going to do. It's the end of the world.

Other News:

My new niece is the most precious and beautiful baby I have ever seen. She's just perfect. And darling. And sweet. She has the cutest little triangle mouth and she can stick her tongue out really far. I'm smitten.

We are almost done refinishing the floors in the two spare bedrooms. Kevin finally finished the sanding yesterday. Have you ever lived in a house that was having the floors sanded? It gives you horrible, pointy, hard boogers. Gross, right? They hurt. Then it gives you phantom boogers. You can feel the booger, but it's just not there. It's driving me crazy!

Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to ME-eeee...

Happy birthday to me! It always surprises me how many people remember my birthday. Maybe this is because I don't know any of my friends' birthdays. I should work on that. This morning at around 11:00 I got a call from my good friend, Mike, wishing me a happy birthday. I was surprised! I was actually planning on having lunch with Mike and some other acquaintances from my old job, but I had not yet decided if I would try to wrangle a free lunch out of him by mentioning my birthday. I don't even know how he knew it was my birthday. My own brothers probably don't know it's my birthday. Anyway, he remembered and I got a free lunch from him.

I'm starting to think that KineticMe has the right idea. He has a whole birthday week dedicated to spending time with all of his friends and family. I think I could benefit from that kind of attention.

And then there's this. I have been listening to Lilian Jackson Braun's cat mysteries. It sounds silly, but they are really good! The sleuth, Qwilleran, and his friends all have birthday poems. I want a birthday poem. I want it to be just perfect, but I can't decide. Do I want a silly limerick or something smart? For now, it's going to be Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but I reserve the right to change my mind if I find a better one by next year:

Yes, call me by my pet name! let me hear
The name I used to run at, when a child,
From innocent play, and leave the cowslips piled,
To glance up in some face that proved me dear
With the look of its eyes. I miss the clear
Fond voices which, being drawn and reconciled
Into the music of Heaven's undefiled,
Call me no longer. Silence on the bier,
While I call God...call God!--so let thy mouth
Be heir to those who are now exanimate.
Gather the north flowers to complete the south,
And catch the early love up in the late.
Yes, call me by that name,--and I, in truth,
With the same heart, will answer and not wait.

--Elizabeth Barrett Browning

PS: I was right. Seeing as how I forgot to post this last night so it is now actually the day after my birthday, I can tell you all that, indeed, my brothers did not remember my birthday.

My sister had a baby last week. Her name is Julia Lauren. I love this name. I love it even though Julia was my backup name. I guess the first to have babies gets the first pick of names. I love the name Julia because it was my Dad's mother's name. She died before I was born. I love the name Lauren because that is the name of my very dearest childhood friend. I haven't met Julia Lauren yet. I have to wait until this coming weekend to hold my new niece.

Kevin is watching 24. We TiVoed it. I was looking forward to watching my TiVoed soap operas, but he loves 24. I love Keifer. Yum. But I can't watch 24. It makes my heart beat too fast. I get too stressed. I was hoping that Kevin would get so absorbed in As the World Turns that he would forget about 24, but that didn't happen. Someday, perhaps.

Thursday is my birthday. 25 big ones. I didn't get The OC Season One for Christmas and boy did I make my disappointment known. Kev and my Mom have been covertly discussing who is going to get it for me. I have a feeling that they are having a hard time finding it. Well, then. They should have thought of that weeks ago when they could have ordered it. If I don't get The OC Season One I think it's only fair that I get extra presents to replace it.

Between a DSW gift card, my birthday card from DSW, and my DSW Rewards points, I have $55 worth of free money to spend on new shoes. Here's the thing. I don't have anyone to go shoe shopping with. Buying shoes is a joyous occasion. It demands lots of laughing and pure giddiness. Kevin will never do. My Mom is too busy with grandbabies to come to Kansas City. My Brad lives in Florida. D is in Iraq! Help!! It's sad to go shoe shopping by yourself. I want to share my joy with a loved one!

I totally forgot about my 100 things list. I'm going to start that again soon. I just can't think of 50 more things to share! Ask me a question and I will answer it. I can't do 100 things by myself. Or buy shoes by myself. Other than that I'm pretty darned independent.

Pillow Talk

Last night, as I was crawling into bed:

Kevin: Goodnight Boo-alicious. (I don't know where he comes up with his pet names.)

Me: Goodnight Farts-under-the-covers.

Kevin: Heh-heh. You can smell that?

What do smart people do when they're bored?

When D and I used to be in boring situations, we would play silly games. In Biology, we played Tic-Tac-Toe and Hangman. We also invented the Fat Game, which is a great way to spend time in the Midwest (on campus, in malls, anywhere!). It is similar the the SlugBug game played with Volkswagen Beetles. When you see a fat person, you simply call it followed by the color of their shirt. For example, "FAT, red." You keep score. Fun, right? Fun, yes. Smart, no. But these are the things that entertain me.

It seems that D and his roommate are getting bored over there in Iraq. So bored are they, in fact, that they have decided to conduct a little experiment. Seeing as how D has pretty much kept to himself since arriving, he has decided to spread the rumor that he suffers from Social Anxiety Disorder to see the reaction of his comrades. A smarter game, yes. Fun? While you could say it isn't not fun, it certainly can't compete with the Fat Game. I guess when you've already invented the perfect game, it's all downhill from there.

And a Happy New Year

It was a small gathering. 3 couples. 6 people. Of that six, nearly all of us were sick. Why? Why. Because we all have adorable little germ-carrying nieces and nephews. That's why. So, with the exception of April (who is a first grade teacher and therefore immune to nearly all child-born germs), we were all sniffling, sneezing, coughing, and wheezing our way into the New Year. We all brought food and the Goods prepared a lovely steak dinner. Our bellies were full of steak. Our noses were full of boogers. We drank beer and played poker. We played the 1990's Trivial Pursuit and I was actually getting lots of questions right (usually I just roll and read the questions while Kev does most of the answering)! I had also brought along the Adult Trivia cards that my brother and I found in our parents basement when we were in high school. The cards were published in 1984--I was four years old. I'm trying to remember some of the questions that made us laugh so hard, but my memory fails me. CBS didn't re-air the ball dropping Central time so we all missed midnight and kissed and drank champagne at abut 12:05.

I haven't made any New Year Resolutions. I've never managed to keep any in the past. Besides, I have a pretty good life. I can't even think of a way to improve it. Sure, I could exercise more, but I do ok. I could say I was going to eat less candy. I could definitely stop eating so many Sheridans Raspberry Frozen Custards with Double Raspberries, but yeah right. I exercise when I want to and then I go eat custard and that makes me happy.

I was almost finished with that last part when there was a knock on the door. Huh? Who could that be? It was Tim, Julie and Rendo. Rendo is a childhood friend of Kevin and Tim. He's really cute and really smart. Totally crush-worthy. He can be pretty intimidating. Our house is a mess because we are refinishing the hardwood floors in the two extra bedrooms. There are closet doors, mattresses, clocks, piles and piles of books, and this and that laying all over the living room. Julie and I got to sit there dumbly among the rubble of our living room while the guys talked about all sorts of people we've never met. Fun stuff.

How boring is all of this? Maybe I should do a New Year Resolution. I hereby resolve to be more clever in my blogging endeavors. I will find something in the course of my days and turn into a riotous story for your enjoyment.